By Savannah Baird
I have honestly had a lot of life changing experiences, or what should have been big life changers, but honestly I never really felt the change. For the most part everything just felt like that’s how it was, how the world worked, how life was supposed to be. Dads do end up being deadbeats, moms do get remarried, animals do die and people do move.
I could talk about how the military has changed my life for the worse or the better, but to be honest I’ve never to this day had a drastic change due to the military that has affected me to my memory. I know my mom deployed to Afghanistan, and I know that was hard when I was a kid, but I don’t actually remember it. I never felt that. I could say that my mom met my dad while she was over there and they got married when they came back from war and that changed me, but the truth is it didn’t. I mean did it change my life? Yes of course, but do I remember the life before that? No, I do not remember my life before him. I cannot say he changed me as a person because I did not know who I was that young, I was only four. To me it always felt like he was who was supposed to be there.
My father Tim was never around. He was in and out of my life. He never paid child support and when he was around I never really got to know him. He gave me another brother, but I never really knew him either, so that was not a life changer. I was adopted this summer by my dad from the military and that was not a life changer. He was always my dad. I could say that he is being deployed next summer, but that has not changed my life yet, and I do not think it will when he is gone because I will be in college. That will be a life changer, but I am not there yet so it can not have changed me yet.
I could talk about last summer and how that changed me, but couples break up and he finds another girlfriend and he leaves you and ignores you and doesn’t love you anymore, and I do stupid things. I regret everything, I hated it. I became depressed, and I am on medication now because of it. His girlfriend bullied me and he did nothing about it, and now I have anxiety and I’m on meds for that. I cried. I played the field, and I drove too fast, and I wrecked. I lost who I was. I didn’t take pictures anymore, I didn’t laugh anymore. I was never home. I was a different person, and now I don’t know who I am or what I want to do with my life. I could talk about that, but it is over now and I am working past that. We are back together, and couples break up and we do stupid things. That is just how the world works. Is it sad that the most change I have had to myself in life was a bad change because of a boy? Yes, but I am human, and I change, and so do you and that is ok.
I could talk about all of these big things that have happened in my life good or bad, but the truth is that I have never really felt a change from any of them. My life has always been Army. My biological father has never truly cared about me, and my dad has always been my dad. Nothing ever really changed my life because that was just how it always was for me.
I can tell you not to lie and not to cheat and not to complain, but that really is not the point of this story or of life. There will be times in life where you will need to make a little white lie and people will always complain, and people will always cheat. I know that and so do you; that is just how the world is sadly. The point of this particular look into my past is to tell you that bad things happen, and people do mean things, and people can be bad, but good things come too. My mom was gone when I was a kid, and I missed her, but she brought my dad back with her. My father never paid for me, but I got to know my new dad, and we have an amazing bond. My boyfriend left me, but we got back together, and now we are stronger than ever.
The point is that bad things happen, and we react, and that is okay. In the end, something good will come and everything will be worth it. Life is what it is. We can not change it no matter how much we want to, so embrace it with open arms and see what happens.